GOAL SETTING WITH MY TOP 18 OF 2018
MAKING GOALS
Often we make goals or resolutions whenever we get that ritualistic urge to re-inhabit ourselves. New years, new seasons; they implore us to reflect upon ourselves and our habits; we feel reinvigorated to achieve and propel ourselves forward. We've now arrived in May, and my goals have been calling for me to reconnect with them. At the beginning of 2018 I set out to accomplish 18 goals of varying degrees, and while I am making good progress in terms of completing them - I feel a need to dig into them again to really know what still applies, and what comes next.
My goal-making practice over the years has been methodical and calculated - yet I always hit the wall at some point. I would start with too many goals, or I would set very challenging goals that would consume all of my focus; I would basically cultivate complex goal and achievement requirements that would leave little room for error, and when I inevitably fell behind (because I do not, in fact, possess some kind of super-human strength and willpower I have learned) I would slash, burn and reset my goals; or abandon them all together.
It's taken me almost 30 years but I've figured out that this system does not work. Adding more into your life seldom makes life better or more rich; whatever illusions or projections or perceptions we are orienting our goals and self worth upon - they are often a composite of our very own insecurities and negative self chatter. Over the years I have been seduced by the call of self hate and over-compensation; I've given up, I've given in, and I've played along. What I've realized through it all however is that a) I had to know what it felt like to feel so lost and overwhelmed and disorganized in order to arrive to a place where b) I could find myself amidst all the chatter. I've spent near 30 years bending and accommodating other peoples wishes, ideas, rules, needs, bullshit - at the sacrifice of my own voice and the weight of my own two feet. I have spent thousands of hours serving others; being used by others; as well as wasted thousands of hours doing things I thought were necessary (but weren't). My journey over the last 5 years alone has been about shedding baggage and bullshit - physically, mentally, spiritually, psychologically; it has been about finding my voice and my spirit through my own lens, in a way that makes me feel ethical and whole. Over the last 5 years I have built up, burned-out, crashed, wallowed and risen from the ashes like a phoenix. Well, maybe more like when the earth returns after a fire; soft, green and nourished by the ashes of long-ago.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT SETTING GOALS
Goals should exist as a beacon; as something off in the distance you can keep your eye on, psychologically. Trust me! As a runner (especially during long or treacherous stretches) having a focal point on the horizon is sometimes the mind game needed to get through it. That being said, if I pull a muscle between here and my goal point and I am physically incapable of maintaining my goal - I need to be able to readjust and recalculate based on my present tense. Our goals are not a series of steps and accomplishments; rather they are targets. To hit a target you have to account for wind, weather, distance; and often these situational effects are always moving and shifting. Just like our lives, our goals should always be moving and shifting in relationship with where we're at.
When I listed my goals for 2018 I wanted to make sure that there were varying degrees of difficulty and commitment across the board. I wanted to make sure there were easier things for me to accomplish, so that when I would have low-moods I would still be able to work towards something. I wanted a true cross-section of my life, and I wanted to have goals that reflected all the parts of me. Typically I only set goals for fun things, but this year I am choosing to include less-fun components like: my student loans; as well as more vulnerable components like: make new friends. I guess you could say that even the goal list itself was a goal and an accomplishment. So here goes:
TOP 18 OF 2018
Run the Bermuda Triangle Marathon Series (1 mile/10km/21.1km completed January 12/13/14 2018)
Run Around the Bay in under 3:58:00 (completed March 25th 2018 in 3:53:00)
Return to my position at lululemon (completed April 9th 2018)
Make new friends, and be open to social interaction (ongoing)
Acquire a proper wedding band
Take a dance class, as well as a martial arts class
Invest in a ruby cup (completed March 2018)
Find the medication balance for my life (achieved March 2018, ongoing)
Get to 130lbs + 12% BMI (achieved April 2018, May 1st = 128lbs + 19% BMI)
Do a longer/thru-hike of 2 to 10 days
Threshold 1000 followers on instagram
Birthday task: new wardrobe
BQ - qualify for Boston @ Marathon du P'tit Train du Nord
Create workshop content for practice - NOMAD PACE (completed February 2018, ongoing)
Launch Nomadi[C]olumn (ongoing, projected September 2018)
Create a business plan for future homestead (ongoing, projected September 2018)
Pay off Visa and Line of Credit IN FULL by December 31st 2018 (ongoing, projected October 2018)
Walk 5 million steps (ongoing, as of May 1st = 1,340,178)
Already, we can see that 7/18 goals have been accomplished by May 1st. This is partly due to some goals having particular dates, but also that some tasks were more manageable. In addition, many of the goals depend on one another, or affect one another in their completion. While some of the meatier goals (like paying off my debts) will literally be impossible to complete until the fall - I can now take this opportunity to futher flesh out the goals I have, and maybe even replace them with new ones.
THE KEY TO WORKING WITH YOUR GOALS
First of all, you know you the best. What works for me may not work for you, but I can hopefully offer you insight and a creative launch pad by offering up what works for me. However, what I can say as a professional who also works with healing, growth and goal-making is: your goals will always shift, and if you are not constantly working with them, you will just be spinning your wheels. Goals are targets - remember? They are something we are working towards - and they are also things that will end! Sometimes we simply hit a target and move on. There isn't always some profound learning attached, or growth to be had. Some goals are just checked off the list.
So since a few of my goals are already complete I'm considering replacing them, or making new space for my other goals within the space they no longer take up. You may also notice that my goals are more like check-points, rather than SMART goals. At the beginning of the year it was really important for me to simply make the goals at all. Putting down 18 bullet points got me from there to here - and there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we need a starting place that isn't perfect or really impressive, but just something for what we need for where we are at. At the time I gave myself space to fill it up as well; I didn't have a full 18 list until near the end of January. Like many folx I've been stressed out by timing and deadlines, and when it comes to the new year I feel like it's all-or-nothing. This year I ditched that mentality and gave myself room to breathe.
How I work with my goals is really simple: I brainstorm. I own a modestly sized white board, as well as piles of scrap paper, and I use them to get out my thoughts. I write out something that's on my mind or I offer myself a cue to get me started. Once I've filled the board, I take a photo and I erase it. Then I start again. I also hang paper on the wall for things that might need time to hangout - like lists and random thoughts. I've learned that I need to speak, witness, discuss my thoughts and ideas outside of my head - that's how I put things into action. Due to my illness I often forget things, as well as lose track of time, so, I've learned that this method helps when I need to jot something down quick before I forget it. I've learned that doing it now allows me to move forward; and that permanence is not as vital to growth and progress as I had once expected.
WHAT I LEARNED WHEN I GAVE UP THE GHOST
Over the last 5 years my process began with getting rid of all the superfluous (metaphysical) crap I had collected along my journey-to-date. You don't live and travel through a few dozen countries or a few dozen projects without picking up gifts, momentos, keepsakes, letters, art - you name it. I began by picking my favourite things, or the things I couldn't live without (and believe me, choosing which heartfelt letter from a child or client letting me know how much I helped them wasn't easy, but in the end I realized that I only need one to remind me of all the others). I held several ritual fires and let go of a lot of baggage. As I physically released the "things" I had in my possession, I reconnected with feeling and releasing feelings attached with the physical items. While memories can be wonderful, they can also be triggering. For me it is more freeing to have space to choose to remember, so that I can keep myself safe from things I would sooner forget. I've also learned that "things" will never make me feel better than actual experience, and when I was able to come to terms with that it became easier to shed more and more layers of "necessity".
In my experience, the more we try to do, say, stand for, collect or involve ourselves in - the less space we have overall to breathe and just live our lives. In the past, whenever I felt insecure I would pack my life full of things until I felt like I was okay again; however that threshold seldom holds. What I've learned is that accumulation also takes up space in your body and in your mind and your spirit. It takes up space in places where your resiliency is weak or vulnerable. It clutters your memory and fogs your thoughts and the space it takes up is constantly reminding you of its presence because it lives in and around you. That is, until you release it. For me, goal setting began with clearing house. Scorched earth. Complete disintegration. I knew that I would never accomplish anything unless I let go of what was holding me back, and when I realized how much a false sense of permanence was wrapped into the "things" I was keeping around me - I knew it was time to get rid of it all.
So I burned it. Gifted it. Gave it away. I released it into someone else's possession and I said goodbye to memories - painful and sweet - so that I could make room for something new. Never underestimate the power of a blank slate or an empty space; sometimes it's time for new things, scary things, fresh things.
Returning to a minimal lifestyle; taking the time to organize and curate my life with intention is how I've provided a foundation to be able to approach new and lofty goals. Through this process I was able to forgive, forget, and move forward with a number of painful aspects of my history. Coming through this process has been treacherous and long (5 fucking years of full-time WORK!) but somewhere deep down I had faith that I would make it here. I was able to see the target from very far away and inch ever closer to it. Along the way I learned so much about myself and who I am that I now know how to show up for myself, and how to nourish and grow my path ahead. It's no coincidence that personal housekeeping led me to a tidy space where I could crush my goals and dream my dreams - this was the journey and practice of working with my goals and my context. So with this mini celebration of accomplishment in tow, I would like to propose my updated 18 of 2018!
REVISED 18 OF 2018
Run the Bermuda Triangle Marathon Series (1 mile/10km/21.1km completed January 12/13/14 2018)
>> BQ - qualify for Boston @ Marathon du P'tit Train du Nord October 22nd 2018.Run Around the Bay in under 3:58:00 (completed March 25th 2018 in 3:53:00)
>> Run lululemon Waterfront 10km in under 59:59Return to my position at lululemon (completed April 9th 2018)
>> grow within the company; build community via initiatives; bring new and exciting conversations and opportunities to the table; expand into new roles and responsibilities.Make new friends, and be open to social interaction (ongoing)
>> push myself to be who I am
>> allow myself the space and freedom to be appreciated for who I am
>> allow myself the space and freedom to explore, grow, continue healing, changing and learningAcquire a proper wedding band
Take a dance class, as well as a martial arts class
>> find local dance studio or drop in hip-hop or modern dance class
>> participate in martial arts training drop-in or seriesInvest in a ruby cup (completed March 2018)
>> share information with friends about menstrual health + ruby cup initiativesFind the medication balance for my life (achieved March 2018, ongoing)
>> continue exploring the safest options that work for me and my life
>> continue taking supplements to promote mental and physical wellness and growthGet to 130lbs + 12% BMI (achieved April 2018, May 1st = 128lbs + 19% BMI)
>> continue building muscular mass and aerobic endurance
>> continue nourishing my body though sleep, water, nutritious food, exercise, community, career and personal growth
>> continue challenging myself to build upon my competencies (ie. more complex yoga poses; longer runs; speedier runs)Do a longer/thru-hike of 2 to 10 days
>> plan a long hike locally in Ontario; choose dates, start trainingThreshold 1000 followers on instagram
>> I can't tell you how many relationships I have built over the internet/instagram specifically - I want to continue growing and expanding in this way
>> I think technology holds the key to my future so I want to work hard at cultivating an image, vision, values, mission, vibe, being; I want to bring my voice to a larger audienceBirthday task: new wardrobe
>> release/trade old clothing entirely
>> purchase/curate a new, more comfortable style with more voice
>> enjoy the process, and take time to sink into what this means for meCreate workshop content for practice - NOMAD PACE (completed February 2018, ongoing)
>> expanding upon created content + building specific workshops for practice
>> building partnerships/connecting resources
>> putting action into practice (projected fall 2018)Launch Nomadi[C]olumn (ongoing, projected September 2018)
>> working to build relationships, vision, values and goals
>> building steady, consistent foundation that will grow with time and workCreate a business plan for future homestead (ongoing, projected September 2018)
>> create content for workshops, retreats, bed + breakfast, homesteading and farming
>> create finance details for start-up costs, running costs and projected income
>> build relationships/explore areas and find a place to call homePay off Visa and Line of Credit IN FULL by December 31st 2018 (ongoing, projected October 2018)
>> being mindful of spending habits when income increases
>> focusing on the long-term goals of finally paying off the remainder of my student loans
>> improving my credit score in order to secure funding/mortgage/creditWalk 5 million steps (ongoing, as of May 1st = 1,340,178)
>> walking/averaging 15,000 steps daily for the remaining 244 days of the year
>> running more KMs throughout the summer and fall months
>> attempting to surpass the 5,000,000 threshold before January 1st 2019
As you can see, some things have changed and some have been expanded upon. At this moment, having spent the last few days with my goals, I feel as if this is an appropriate place to leave it (for now). Having touched base with what I'm up to has reinforced that I'm on the right track; along with carving out just how much I will have to do and by when, in order to complete it this year. Moving into the summer, I'm excited to be able to enjoy the weather more, run more, hangout more, and all-around be more present in my life and goals. My only real responsibilities will be working and taking care of myself and my family. I will have tons of space to breathe in and around my goals - and the beauty is I can add to them or change them at any time.
Those of you reading this, if you have time I would love to read your feedback in the comments. What goals did you set this year, and how are they coming along? What are you most excited for? What makes you most apprehensive? Remember that we get to define who we are and what works for us, so I hope each and every one of us can find a way to live peacefully within ourselves. Thanks for taking the time to witness my process, and as always, I would love to hear your responses, feedback, kudos, critiques and comments below.
MC.