Mark this date in your calendar: January 18th 2016.

This date is special for no other reason than the fact that I rolled out of bed this morning without incredible pain or lethargy coursing through my body. I could breathe and see; I could walk with sure steps; anxiety about time and weather muted somewhere else beyond my grasp... everything taxing and expected was... somewhere else. 

I am here, and I feel... good.

It's been a long time since I've felt anything close or remotely resemblant of "good". Okay, maybe. Not terrible - sure. But good? 

Not even close. 

I've been dealing with Depression and Bipolar since I was a young teenager, so the concept isn't new to me. However, this cycle taught me a lot about the nature of my disease. It taught me that I am sick, and that no matter how much drive or willpower I can muster - the illness will win. Whenever it needs to remind me of its strength - it is there, ready. Ready to suck me into the oblivion; the darkest depths waiting in every breath. 
It has taught me about how lucky I have been to have lived so freely for so long. It has reframed my perspective on life and the world; myself, others; on how to deal, cope, survive, and somehow: win. 

That's the thing with Mental Illness. It's a very tough game to beat. Not only are you dealing with your own demons, and your own darkness; you are dealing with social inequality, healthcare inequality, stigma, prejudice, shame, unknowing and misunderstanding - basically the gamut of icky and unwanted attention for something you have next to no control over. 

But that's what's more. It is a hard game to beat - for many, impossible - but it's not. At least not for me. And at least not right now. That's not to say that I'm out of the woods. I'm not. I've been in and out of the woods with each cycle, and this cycle makes three. Except the circle gets bigger, each time, so there's no telling as to where the cycle could end up next. 

In any case, we are here: now. I am here, now. 

And I feel good.